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Therapists, I don't like their taste.i.
in 7th grade                                      
i didn’t know depression
until she told me her name,
carving forever scratches
along my limbs like
little love notes on the bark
of a tree.

she stole my rings
and left me hollow.

ii.
i had only ever met anxiety
in passing, until one day
he handed me power and told me
to hurt someone else with it.

iii.
inexperienced,
with an uncontrollable
quivering in my fingers,
he whispered, “ to survive,
you must learn quickly.”
as i shoved the bevel of a needle
into a strangers arm.

iv.
so, if a therapist
could talk away my scars
like iodine disinfects,
guide the ships
through
Please,don’t make me
fall in love with you,
again.

I don’t want to remember you,
those Sunday morning
wake-me-up kisses,
or the way your
lost boy eyes always,
always found a way
to find mine.

There are only so many times
I can allow you to slice
through my scar tissue
before I finally

fall
ap art.
lion boyi knew a boy with
eyes of gold & fire
in his footsteps.

he would roar to the
stars, declaring himself
as fearless as a king
& as regal as a lion.

"ad lucem,"
he would announce
every night when leo
would coax the virgin
from her radiant
castle.

five times around the
sun & loyal fangs bared
to shield his kingdom,
my lion boy
dances with flames.
No more than thisYou are nothing
to me -
yet
everything -
a sweet, sweet
poison
of words
and smiles
which I
welcome
like my
life's blood,
slipping,
indeterminate.
down into
the secret
chambers
of heart
and soul...
So when
I die,
I will
taste
the bitterness
and the
goodness
all at once
as the light
leaves
and the music
swells
and one last
sigh -
hear it,
feel it...
as I am
no more
than this...
Not any more
than this...
ExposureThe wind invites itself
from underneath my door,
it reaches under
it pulls open-
the leaves come in.
A bird hops over the
threshold and tilts its
head in quick, informative
motions.

The rains follow in
after the wind and
now I have to reason with
both the animals and the storm.

Those abandoned wooden barns
with one wall collapsed,
overgrown with vines and ferns.
The epitome of giving in.

I close the door
and all the windows,
leave it to the glass
to challenge the rain.

That little bird,
somewhere in here,
is searching for where
the wind has gone.

Thunder knocks
once, then
twice.

I imagine lying
on the hood of a car
beneath the desert su
Translucentand you always see right through
I've called it my masterpiece
but you've disapproved
you told me that you always preferred natural sunlight
to the dim sort of darkness I surround myself with
you've disapproved but I'm scared that it won't matter anyway
A little punk rocker with a gift for singing songsGirl with the rock and roll smirk curled behind her teeth
Burning her insides for fun because there wasn’t much else to do
Aside from skipping stones across car parks
And sipping the last dregs of forbidden liquor
Behind broken trees to keep up the act of normality

Late at night when the moon is asleep
She lies on dismantled bed frames
Counting stars because lambs are too often sent to the slaughter
Lucky star heartbeats and posy veins
Hides broken windows behind her pupils

Ceiling lights tracing patterns on her cheekbones
As late night contemplation's lead back to Rome
Atlas limbs curled into her ribs
With a sense of obligation she
ExperimentalistShe always said she was
An experimentalist.
I knew otherwise.
This girl was raised to 
Believe that the ability of 
Counting the bones in your
Rib cage is beautiful.
Sixteen years old
With sand in her blood
And shoulder blades 
As sharp as knives
As long as wings.
That day I knew
Her smiles were painful
And her laughs were just
Recorded in her throat
From so much practice 
In a life that was once
So happy.
i shouldn't write when i'm stonedpeople say you're
an asshole. but that's
okay because people say
i'm an asshole, too. maybe
that's one of the reasons
you love me and i love you.

but i think more than that,
i think the biggest reason
we're drawn to each other is
that neither of us fit anywhere.
we are both lonely. and we are sad.
but we don't care, and we love it.

we are good at being
alone. we are good at
being together. if i could,
i would paint a picture
of two souls tethered close
but sitting in separate rooms
and i would point to it. then you
would understand why we will
never come apart.
String TheoryThis is determination,
existential numbness in which
I drown from the paranoid spittle
of that dreary-eyed girl
lost in the mirror.

Jesus,
 what would you do

if you saw me now, all grown in
to my predetermined curves and
the nihilistic fabrications knotted in my skin.

Maybe you still want to be
a brain surgeon. Maybe you still
weep when you’re happy and stop
when you’re lonely, drooping over like
the puppet no one remembered. Maybe
you still smoke like it’s a defiance, and love
like it’s a war; maybe time preserved you
like a corpse in formaldehyde, and maybe

you still think of me,
too.
Pack rats                                               I want to be
                                                that
                                                  stale as bread,
                                                peeling
                                              picture of her
                                                that you
                                                  stow(ed) away
                                                in the beating
                                              of your breast
                                                pocket
                                     
this habiti have this habit of thinking without thinking.

my mind will be walking down a road
between cities

while i am plugging away at the factory,
while i am putting groceries away.

if someone were to ask me what i was thinking,
i wouldn’t know what to say.

i would have to wait hours,
long after they’ve gone,

until my mind comes through the door,
tracking all manner of shit onto the floor,

and explains himself.
Love LettersWith their condescending ink
They wrote patterns of gold
Upon parchment leather paper
Within letters of words foretold

Perhaps with this envelope
And its rose tainted scent
I can find peace in myself
In the summer days spent

Where I took in the musky smell
Of your heart.
As I held it against my chest
I picked up a pen and began to start

Dear love, oh love
How I wish to see your lovely face
These days, these mornings are
What keep me hoping in sovereign grace...
Sea sonnet for the girl with ocean eyesShe was southern Californian storms
On a good day
When the skies nursed the shoreline like a wound
And the rain tasted like two scoops of mint chip ice cream

She held the nebula in her palms
And poured it out onto the sidewalk
So that the gutters would have something
To talk about at night

She swallowed the ocean
And held it in her eyes
deep pools
Of mountain rock blue straining against the sky
The bluest eyes I’d ever seen
Sparrow girl with the breathless wings

Embellished in vinyl’s and cassette tapes
Gramophone gilded lashes and half-moon wrists made up
Paper tapestries taped together with Shakespeare and Green

Sunday mor
Alaska is hiding behind her eyesA girl caught up in the same game
Where circus tricks and trapeze artists
Are nothing compared to the burning of lungs
Where insomnia stains the people’s smiles
In a pale wash of sea foam angst bottled up and thrown
Into the horizon where the sky meets the earth
In a disjointed seam

She had hurricane rage eyes
And wishbone sleeves pulled tightly across her chest
To suppress her Medusa heart from cracking
The stars open and drinking their flames

Ocean funeral where  Chaconne
Is played to sirens and sea urchins
Coiled beneath the oily depths of seascapes
Where her kite string spines push against the thin membrane
Of split grin skie
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Even Now

:iconbrisni:

The kiss of an Angel
On my skin
Washes over
My burns, my sins

Sweet relief
No pain resides
Just gentle tears
And welcome Life

So spin around
Look and see
All the Love
You have for me

A soft rain
On my tender heart
Like a balm
A brand new start

A chance to love
A chance to see
All You have
Planned for me

Something new
I've felt a change
In my soul
You rearrange

A heart grows out
Love grows in
And in Your mercy
I live again

140

3 22 1
:iconbrisni:

Even Nowby ~brisni

DescriptionDetailsShare
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Catch me, Lord.

-*-*-

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above
Because you are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me suffering your destiny
So tell, me whats a little rain?

["Jesus, Bring the Rain" Mercyme]
________

Outside of myself.
©2008-2013 ~brisni
Category: Literature / Poetry / Human Nature / Free Verse

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March 4, 2008
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:iconplatinummyr:
=platinummyr May 16, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
Mmhmm :) Very lovely words... you should write more, you know? :p
Reply
:iconbrisni:
~brisni May 16, 2008
Oh, I write plenty.
I should share more, eh? ;)
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
=platinummyr May 16, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
Yes... yes you should ;D
Reply
:iconmaoractive:
~maoractive Mar 23, 2008  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Very nice! :)
Reply
:iconbrisni:
~brisni Mar 24, 2008
Thank you.
Especially for the fav :D
Reply
:iconcheizi:
~Cheizi Mar 7, 2008
Washes over
My burns, my sins

A heart grows out
Love grows in

absolutely breathtaking. I love it. I can see you playing in the rain as you think of the words to this poem with every drop of water :P

olive juice.

:hug:
Reply
:iconbrisni:
~brisni Mar 7, 2008
you're a sweetheart.
:love:
Reply
:iconwkrige:
~wkrige Mar 5, 2008
beautifully precisely picked words.

"In my soul
You rearrange"

"A heart grows out
Love grows in"

lovely. i've never read a poem you've written that i didn't like..very much. gifted you are!

:star:
Reply
:iconbrisni:
~brisni Mar 6, 2008
thanks so much.
i wrote this after playing out in the rain with my little brother. ^^
there's something pure in the simply things.
Reply
:iconwkrige:
~wkrige Mar 6, 2008
ahh the simple joys. dancing in the rain..again. hehe.. i stopped by a friend on my way here just for one night. we took a long walk on the beach. in the rain. and just talked about nothing really. how wonderful. on the way back we stopped by a little shop to buy a cake for her friends bday the next day. we were soakin wet! i like just being secluded from all the filth sometimes...for a moment and be naive and childlike and just joyful. purity. what a good description.
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